Mastering the Art of Complaining

I’d like to extend my gratitude to Radiance Talley and her excellent article, Geledés: How Afro Brazilians Are Combatting Racism, which inspired the first iteration of my piece on Brown Pundits, titled “Fully Booked”: How Colorism Shapes Who Gets In, ultimately paving the way for this article.

The top 0.1% of the global population—about 5-6 million people—control roughly 20% of the world’s wealth (though I have written before on how to become the 0.01%). To be part of this group, an individual needs an average wealth of $11 million or more. For the rest of us, navigating institutions means understanding that they weren't built with us in mind. We aren’t the "ideal" customers—the institutions favor the oligarchic elite (not that I’m jealous or anything😀). But that doesn’t mean we have to settle for unfair treatment. By mastering the art of complaining, you can ensure fairness, even in systems built to serve others.

Zack’s 9 Rules to Complain

1. Institutions aren’t your friends.
   They protect their own interests. Don’t expect them to put you first.

2. Stay cool and observe.
   Never lose your temper. Watch everything. Details will help if you need to escalate.

3. Compare yourself to the mainstream.
   How would the "ideal" customer be treated? Spot the differences to see if bias or unfair treatment is at play.

4. Keep a written record.
   Document everything. Written records are essential for escalation.

5. Escalate in writing.
   If verbal conversations fail, switch to email or formal communication. Written complaints are harder to ignore.

6. Avoid phone calls.
   Phone conversations can get emotional. Stick to writing to control the narrative.

7. Know your goal—and ask if it’s worth it.
   Before you complain, define your goal—compensation, an apology, or acknowledgment. But also ask: Is it worth escalating? Weigh the stress, time, emotional distress, and effort against the potential outcome.

8. Identify pain points—yours and theirs.
   Understand what bothers you. Then figure out what the institution cares about—reputation, loyalty, or legal risk—and use that to your advantage. Is luck on your side?

9. Steelmanning, not strawmanning.
   Present their argument at its strongest, and have a sense of what their internal procedures look and feel like. This shows you’ve thought through their perspective and makes it harder for them to dismiss your complaint.

Putting the Rules to Use

Recently, Dr. V and I went out for dinner in Boston (the New England food scene is somewhat improving). The first restaurant told us there’d be a one-hour wait. Busy night, fair enough. But at the second restaurant, the hostess directed us to the bar, claiming no tables were available, despite several being open. No effort to accommodate us—no offer to "squeeze us in." We weren’t the customers they wanted.

At the third restaurant, we were seated immediately by a friendly hostess. It was only later that I realized the first two hostesses were white, while the one who seated us was Asian American. The difference in treatment was clear—showing how subtle bias determines who gets access.

This is where Rule 3 came into play: How would the "ideal" customer have been treated? The answer was obvious—they wouldn’t have been turned away.

When to Push Back

Asians tend to "work up" within a system, trying to resolve problems quietly without causing a scene. But sometimes, that’s not enough. What we can learn from African Americans & the civil rights struggles is the importance of knowing when to push back against unfair systems. It is also interesting to see whether there is a gender aspect to complaining & pushing back.

In this case, I followed Rule 2: I stayed calm, noted the situation, and moved on. Had the pattern continued, I would have escalated—first with a written account, and if needed, a formal complaint following Rule 5. I did leave a review and share my experience because it’s important to call out bias.

Identifying Pain Points

Effective complaints come from identifying pain points—yours and theirs.
• Your pain points: What’s the real issue? Is it respect, money, or something else? Be clear. Pardon my French but don’t be a Buridan’s ass, who incidentally was in fact a French philosopher.
• Their pain points: What do they care about—reputation, customer retention, or legal risk? Identifying these gives you leverage.

In this case, the issue was respect. The hostess didn’t accommodate us, something she would have done for "ideal" customers. On their side, their pain point could be a negative review highlighting biased service.

Drawing Inspiration

This newsletter was inspired by the first version of my article, "Fully Booked: How Colorism Shapes Who Gets In," on my popular Brown Pundits weblog. It’s a perfect example of how subtle biases influence who gets treated well, even when there’s no overt confrontation. These biases may be invisible, but they decide access every day.

Justice: A Personal Principle

As a Bahá'í, justice is not just something I value—it’s something I live by. Bahá’u’lláh says, “The purpose of justice is the appearance of unity among men.” Complaining effectively is about more than getting what you deserve—it’s about making institutions fairer for everyone.

Justice promotes unity, and by challenging unfairness, we contribute to a fairer system for all.

The Power of Complaining

Complaining, when done right, isn’t about causing conflict. It’s about fairness. Knowing when to push back, when to let go, and when to escalate can make all the difference. Follow Zack’s 9 Rules, stay calm, and remember: even if you aren’t part of the top 0.1% oligarchic elite, you deserve to be treated fairly.

Thank you for reading. I’ll leave you with an ancient saying from my Magian ancestors: “good thoughts, good words, and good deeds”.